CONDITIONED yet DETERMINED - FALLEN yet HOPEFUL

Courage is sometimes the silent voice at the end of the day that says - "I'll try again tomorrow." - Shubha Vilas

Life is all about learning the art of balance. Balancing various aspects of our lives be it our physical, social, spiritual or professional life can itself be a struggle, what to speak of balancing opposite forces in our hearts. Lord Krishna explains in the 16th Chapter of Bhagvad-Gita entitled 'The Divine and Demonic Natures", the opposite qualities of these two natures and how there is constant struggle between these two forces. The interesting part is that both these natures exist within us. That's the reality of being a conditioned soul. Life is about, how we nourish the good within us and deal with the bad. Just like a magnetic field is held between two opposite poles, similarly the truth is many times held between two opposite forces. Answers to questions in life lies in the middle, not in extremes.

Coming back to our topic - how does one who is conditioned by base tendencies be determined - how does on who is fallen be hopeful to achieve perfection. Let's try to reconcile this puzzle.

Good side of our Bad side

Firstly we need to understand that knowing we are conditioned and fallen is very good and many times the first step to improvement. Just like a person may be sick but until he knows it and accepts his sickness, how will he work on getting his health back. Most people don't even realize that they are conditioned in doing and thinking wrong. As it is said - A fool who knows that he is a fool is for that very reason a wise man; a fool who thinks he is wise is indeed a fool.

As soon as we accept our present reality, we give ourselves the freedom to work on improving ourselves. Acceptance of "what is" is the precondition to change and denial of "what is", leaves us stuck in it. Though seeing and accepting that we have a bad side is not easy - it's painful. After all who wants to accept that they have a bad side! But we need to see the good side about our bad side and that is - we now know exactly where to work on. And as the saying goes - what you work at, you get better at. The bottom line is this - It's normal to be fallen as long as we are working in it.

Secondly, understanding our fallen condition makes us humble. And only in a humble state of mind we can genuinely take shelter of Lord Krishna. It's better to be fallen and humble than to be "so called" pure and proud.

Thirdly, once we know how fallen we are, we also have a greater chance to show our sincerity to the Lord. In fact the more the obstacles in one's life, greater the chance to prove our sincerity to God. We have to see Krishna behind these obstacles asking us, "What's important to you? Do you want Me or something else?"  If we are somehow able to convince the Lord of our sincerity and our earnestness to achieve Him, then our life is perfect. God's mercy is available to such sincere practitioners. It is sincerity that brings us to Krishna consciousness and it is sincerity that will keep us going on this path.

The whole idea is not to get discouraged by our shortcomings but use them wisely as a springboard to rise higher. The Srimad Bhagvatam gives the classic example of little Dhruva who used obstacles as stepping stones to success.

Hope against Hope

The problem is not in being fallen or conditioned but the real problem is when we get discouraged by our fallen condition and loose hope. If hope is lost, everything is lost. Hope is like the torchlight that helps us see a way through the darkness of despair. In the path of bhakti, we can't afford to get discouraged. We have to keep hoping against hope. Sometimes, we say things like "I am so fallen that even Krishna can't help me." We have to have more faith in Krishna's mercy than our fallen nature. As Bhakti Tirtha Swami writes - "Whatever our addiction, our greed or fear, they are infinitesimal from Krishna's perspective. All we need to do is to ask Krishna sincerely to remove them."

We have to focus on where we want to go rather than where we are - we have to focus on who we want to become rather than who we are. We need to learn to be enthusiastic despite our anarthas, we need to learn to be hopeful despite our shortcomings, we need to be determined despite the obstacles we face.

A Deadly Attitude

This is a beautiful prayer in the pages of Srimad Bhagvatam of a devotee who is painfully aware of his fallen condition but is simultaneously fiercely determined. This reconciliation of the opposites is a deadly combination and is the key to success in spiritual life. This is the attitude we should aim for.

"By my previous shameful life my heart is polluted with many illusory attachments. Personally I have no power to stop them. Only Lord Krishna within my heart can remove such inauspicious contamination. But whether the Lord removes such attachments immediately or lets me go on suffering or lets me go on being afflicted by them, I will never give up my devotional service to Him. Even if the Lord places millions of obstacles in my path, and even if because of my offenses I go to hell, I will never for a moment stop serving Lord Krishna.

I am not interested in mental speculation and frutive activities; even if Lord Bramha personally comes before me offering such engagements, I will not be even slightly interested. Although I am attached to material things I can see very clearly that they lead to no good because they simply give me trouble and disturb my devotional service to the Lord.

Therefore, I sincerely repent my foolish attachments to so many material things, and I am patiently awaiting Lord Krishna's mercy."

Vishvanatha Chakravarti Thakura's commentary on Srimad Bhagavatam 11.20.27-28

- Achyut Gopal Das